Monday, June 25, 2007


The title says it all, really. But I hate one-liner blog posts, so here are some other "memes" that I'd really, really like to see go away:


Whenever I see a job posting like this:
SELECT * FROM applicants WHERE knows_php=1 AND has_life=0
ORDER_BY tattoo_count DESC;
I simply:
DELETE FROM jobs_i_am_interested_in WHERE employer=that_loser;
I mean think about it. If you're that darn clever, what do you need me for? And what happens if you do hire me and I turn out not to be clever enough for you? Why should I leave my current position (which is at a pretty awesome startup, btw) for the eventual:
INSERT INTO ranks_of_the_unemployed VALUES(that_chump_who_answered_our_lame_job_posting);
Same goes for any company looking for any kind of "programming god", "rock star", or "l33t hax0r". In fact, if any part of your job post is ultra-snarky, ultra-hip, or smacks of leetspeak, there's a good chance I will sprain my finger deleting it. I know you're trying to be, like, all Web-Too-Oh and everything, but who do you think you're fooling? In RL (author's note: "Real Life") you're in your late 40's, and the closest thing you have to "l33t cr3d" is the time you virtually hit on that brooding emo chick whose profile you happened across while prowling MySpace. (Which, by the way -- ewww).

However, we both know that at the end of the day, you're still going to be a clock-watching, interchangeable-human-resource-administrating, two-martini-lunch-taking, office-chair-warming executive type with a pathological distrust of technology. And I'm still going to be a code monkey. So let's just call a spade a spade, shall we?


"Incentivize". "Monetize". "Reify".

Gagize me.
Verbing weirds language -- Calvin, of Calvin and Hobbes

Look, if I really want you to know about my third lung or the time I gave CPR to that baby seal in Alaska, chances are you're my wife or my physician and I've already told you. Otherwise, buzz off.